Now I know how Napoleon felt

Napoleon Dynamite, of course.


It's lunchtime for first graders, and today's menu is this:

Country Steak Sandwich or
Hot Dog with Ketchup
Tator Tots
Corn Cobbette
Fresh Fruit

None especially appealing. No way I'm eating school meat. The cafeteria corn is terrible from my limited experience with it, and the fresh fruit was orange smiles. I only like baby oranges. Thus, by process of elimination, tator tots were my only choice for lunch. Generally I don't even bother with lunch at school, but this morning I left the breakfast my mom made for me in the refrigerator, so I needed something to get me by. Tots it is.

I get my kids through the line and ask for a bowl of tots. The cafeteria lady proceeds to count out eight tots, one at a time, into a normal sized styrofoam bowl. They don't even cover the bottom. No way I'm paying $.50 for eight tots. Uh uh. So, I ask her if I can have a few more. In her limited English (which has no relevance except that she couldn't explain to me why I couldn't have say, ten tots,) she says, "No. Only eight." I told her that I was a teacher (thinking maybe she was confusing me for a fifth grader, because some of them seriously look older than me,) and asked if I could have just a few more. Her answer: "No. Only eight." Then she walks down to some other lady and comes back and again repeats her favorite phrase, "No. Only eight." I told her that I would pay extra for a few more tots, and she says, "Extra? Ok?" and proceeds to give me eight more tots, bringing my total to sixteen. I now feel victorious in my battle for more than eight tots. Funny thing is, when I got to the register, the cafeteria manager only charged me for one order. Ha! Take that, tator tot Nazi!

I now know how Napoleon felt when that stupid kid next to him asked him for his tots. Good thing the cafeteria lady didn't smash my tots. I would've been forced to breathe really hard and call her an idiot. That wouldn't have been a good example for my kids.