Song of my Life

What a difference a week (or two) makes. So much has happened since my last real entry. Before the Crowder entry, I wrote about my anxiety problems. That day had been a good day, but the next day was absolutely horrible. I was anxious and depressed all day long. Even though I trusted the Lord to heal me, I knew that sometimes he works through doctors. We had Monday off of school, so I called the doctor that morning and went in that afternoon for an appointment. Basically, she told me that I was having depression/anxiety problems (surprise!) and she put me on a med. We talked about how sometimes depression can come out of nowhere, even when things are going great, and about how anxiety isn't completely unusual in newlyweds. She gave me some samples of Cymbalta, we set up a schedule for how long I would have to be on it, talked about the possibilities of side effects, and went along our merry way. I already felt so much better- just talking to her about it and knowing that I had hope for getting better.

And then Tuesday came. The medicine made me feel horrible. The anxiety was gone, but I felt so depressed. I couldn't eat anything, my hands and feet felt numb, I wanted to sleep all the time, I couldn't stop sweating, and my personality was gone. I even had to miss a day at school because I was so messed up. I stayed on it for a week and the side effects began to improve, but they weren't totally gone. I was worried about the side effects, so right after I took my seventh pill, I began researching cymbalta side effects online. I am SO glad I did. I came across a few websites with people's comments about the withdrawal problems they had when they came off Cymbalta. It was scary. Since the medicine wasn't working well with my system anyway, I called my doctor the next day and told her I was getting off of it immediately.

So, this past week, I weaned myself off and life has been good. I didn't have any withdrawal since I was on it for such a short amount of time at such a small dose, and I am so thankful for that. I was able to function every day at school with no anxiety and with no pain from the meds. I believe that my anxiety was just a season in my life and I am claiming healing. I have learned so much through this short-lived experience, though. It may not be gone forever, but now that I have experienced it and come through it, I know that if it happens again, I will be okay. This is now a part of my story. It's something that I have lived through, and something that I am using to testify to God's glory. He has been so good to me.

I don't want to sound flippant about mental illness, though. It isn't this easy and quick for everyone. I know that very well. Having been through such a strange thing, I now understand that when you struggle with these things, you become a different person that who you really are. Many times, medicine is needed to help a person get back to the person that the Lord made them to be. And sometimes, it takes awhile. Some people struggle with it for years. For me, I believe the medicine, along with much prayer and just a new HOPE has helped me get back to my normal self. I also believe I had a very mild case, and something that was not abnormal at all. If my anxiety resurfaces, I am going to try counseling before I try a drug again. I have nothing against meds at all (obviously,) but I just don't want to have to deal with those nasty side effects again.

Finally, I just want to say to my friends and family who read this blog, thank you SO much for all of your love, prayers, and support. I have never felt more covered by prayer than I have in the past couple of weeks. Talking to many of you has helped me to realize that I wasn't alone in this and that it truly WAS just for a season. I've also learned alot about marriage during this time. I have the most amazing, supportive, and loving husband that anyone could ask for. To all those of you who emailed, called, prayed, listened, and loved, thank you, thank you, thank you!