Song of my Life

Growing up, summer was always a spiritual season. I think it began with VBS as a child and continued on with church camp and mission trips as a teenager, then ministry internships as a college student. It's not that other times of the year aren't spiritual, it's just that my sweetest memories come from the summer. Since I'm a teacher, I fortunately still have the privilege of summers off, but I have to admit that the past couple of summers haven't been such a spiritual time for me. I let myself get tangled up in dating a future husband, watching a little too much Food Network, and just laziness in general. I decided, though, that this summer would be different. I miss my sweet summer romances with the Lord.

I've been working through Beth Moore's Living Free study this summer and it's been really great. I feel that it was very timely for me. Honestly, it would probably be timely for anyone. We all struggle with overcoming strongholds, which is what this study focuses on. A particular stronghold for me has been my health anxiety and my idol has been medicine rather than the Lord. It's funny, because growing up, I was NEVER sick. Of course I had the occasional bug or head cold, but I never broke a bone, never had surgery, and was just very healthy in general. In the last year, I feel like I've made up for a lifetime of sicklessness. And the funny thing- even in all the times I thought something was wrong with me, never once did anything pan out! It's a little bit ridiculous.

Through my time with the Lord this summer, though, I feel that he is beginning to set me free. I'm claiming that he is! I went for six months with really no anxiety at all, and then this summer it has slowly crept back up on me. This time, though, I've been able to mostly keep it at bay. I've still had a couple of freak outs, but they've stayed under control. I firmly believe that it's because this time I've been spiritually fed each day and know that the Lord is completely in control. It's not that he wasn't with me through the three months of hell I went through in the fall battling anxiety, but it's just that I was so spiritually dead and I couldn't even trust him to see me through it.

Something that really struck me this week was this thought- "As long as our minds rehearse the strength of our stronghold more than the strength of our God, we will be impotent." There's the trouble. When I become anxious, Satan is telling me that what I'm experiencing is bigger than what God can handle. And I fell for it every time. Sometimes I still do. But really, how stupid is that? We serve a HUGE God. In the fall, my friend Donna gave me this verse- "He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3. It came up again in my bible study last night, and I was struck by just how true it is. As long as our focus stays on where it should be, the Lord will keep us at peace. The problem for me was that my mind had wandered so far it wasn't even able to get to a place where it could see peace as an option.

I am completely convinced that as long as I continue to be in the Word, my mind will remain steadfast. I believe this is the key to peace and to keeping my anxiety at bay. And truly, this is the way we were meant to live. It shouldn't just be for three months out of the year. How can anyone live that way? Summer romances are fun and all, but isn't the lifelong romance so much sweeter? I'm looking forward to the days, months and years to come with my sweet Jesus.